KA-BOOM

Good news for Real Estate Agent Delia Banks: she unloaded that house on Elm before it blew up. Bad news for the new owners. Did you guys have insurance in place? Random thought: maybe the deductable is something you don’t mind paying to get peace of mind for being out of a place that supposedly was haunted. I guess that’s one way to solve a problem. Question: how did it blow up? Inquiring minds want to know.

REAL ESTATE ESCAPADES

My friend in the real estate business has officially moved on from selling the Handyman’s Special out on Elm. Interesting factoid: the new agent on the case is Delia Banks. Friend to and employee of Melinda Gordon. Small world. Good luck, Delia. I have interesting photos of the place if you’d like.

EDGAR CASEY - not so much?

I happened to be in the Bayridge Booksellers the other night and lo and behold the store was hosting a curious event: Casey Edgars, world-renown psychic, was pushing books and his brand of entertainment. Quite an act he had going there – holding on to earrings and whathaveyou and then coming up with amazing factoids about the owner and their loved ones. I’ve heard Edgar Casey was the real deal, but that’s before my time so who’s to say. I’ve also heard that the Amazing Kreskin wasn’t so amazing, that in fact he used to “set up” his subjects ahead of time and then pay them a large sum to keep their mouths shut after he “read” them. The sad part is, this Casey Edgars is helping the cops with a missing person case, Sydney Drake. If people have any REAL tips on the missing Sydney, please contact local law enforcement.

STRIKE

The local bus drivers have gone on strike. They’ve been negotiating all summer with the city council to try and get a fair contract. Apparently the city council – whose members make a VERY nice living – can’t see beyond their own salaries to share the wealth with other city workers. Support your local rank and file city workers and let the city council know how you feel.

PHOTO SURREALISM

What is it with photos in this town? Rumors are flying around about photo professor Claudia Pollili’s being “erased” from her own photos. And I thought I had strange pictures. Anyone else having photo or camera problems???

SMASHING PUMPKINS

Hats off to the Rockland U. Theatre Dept. and the Nursing school (yeah, an odd couple) for putting on an awesome Halloween party Wednesday night. Scary makeup, dangerous nurses and all for a good cause -- $960 was raised for the Smithson cancer hospice for kids. Brickbats to the idiots who came along after midnight and beat up the pumpkins left on display in the quad. Scary, dangerous nurses will haunt you – you’ve been warned.

SHOOT OUT THE LIGHTS

Where is Power and Light when you need them? Last Tuesday power was out for several blocks on the south side of Grandview. And then it took three full days to get everyone back on. This isn’t Chicago in a monster heat wave, folks. Who dropped the ball? And don’t tell me it was ghosts.

HIZZONER

His Honor the Mayor made a great speech today about cleaning up Wilson’s Creek out by the interstate. “Creek” would be too kind a word. It’s more of a drainage ditch and is in need of a thorough cleaning and re-vamping. Which is what townsfolk are saying about the mayor’s image and perhaps that’s why he’s taking on easy-to-please-the-folks-with-civic-projects like Wilson's Creek right now. Just an observation.

ROOM WITH A VIEW

My real estate agent friend thinks this photo is a double exposure. See below. He’s not ready to give up on selling the house yet. That’s the spirit, I like a man with convictions. He’s more concerned about that little gap between the roof and the attic ceiling, as well he should be. Enough with the ghost talk. What was I thinking?

Handyman’s Special

So back to the House on Elm. Whispy things appeared on a couple of my first pictures. They looked like “light leaks” to me – except this isn’t a film camera where light could leak in. Professor Payne said they might be ghosts. He didn’t know for sure. So I went back to the house… camped out for a few hours, let the dust settle… and, ah… see the photo below. More than whispy things. Way more. But frankly, it looks like a double exposure. Except how do you double expose on a digital camera? And I swear I didn’t futz with the print.

I thought about showing the photo to my friend of a friend who is the real estate agent on the house. He’s having trouble selling the place anyway because he says it needs so much work. Do I show him the photos or not? Maybe he’s reading this. Maybe someone will tell him to read this.

The Pentagon Papers

Why has the family of one of Grandview's slain soldiers petitioned the Pentagon for an investigation into the incident... Stay tuned.

THERE GOES AN HOUR OF MY LIFE

Spent an hour at the Grandview cemetery with night vision goggles on. Other than a dent across my forehead the size of the Grand Canyon… nada. As I suspected. Took my friend Jake’s infared camera along, too. For some reason it refused to work. Great. Could’ve been at the Wes Anderson midnight film festival at the R.U. Student Union.

Note to graveyard groundspersons: Nice job on the lawn trimming around the tombstones. Could someone at Parks and Rec hire these folks for the Grandview Southside Baseball Park? It’s looking shaggy around the edges.

DRAINED?

Jake pointed out that maybe, just maybe, the reason his camera didn’t work is because the battery was drained by the ghosts in the cemetery. Apparently they’re fond of doing tricks like that. Well, who’s to say?

TAKE TWO

Okay, in the name of fairness, I’m going to try another experiment. And because I got a phantom guy on film once, I want to see if I can get another phantom on film. All in the name of science. I’ve read up a little more on infrared cameras and how to use them. I’m going to put the camera in a room with the door closed, let the dust settle (because apparently dust can look like ghost orbs). I’ll also check around for bugs, too. Don’t want mosquitoes and gnats masquerading as long lost dead Uncle Wilbur. Then if something semi-bright jumps around randomly on the camera’s monitor… well, we’ll see.

I’d tell you where I’m setting the camera up (an empty house) but it’s on the market to sell (a friend of a friend of a friend is the real estate guy) and I don’t want to discourage sales. If it turns out the place is filled with ghostly beings, I’ll be printing the address right here in big letters.

CAVEAT EMPTOR

I’ll say this much. The house is on Elm. And I’m going to Professor Payne again to look at the images. Stay tuned.

PENTAGON PAPERS cancelled

Moving ceremony on the town square today for returning Vet Matt Murphy. And Col. Richard Sanchez has dropped his inquiry.

BLOODY MARY MANIA HITS ROCKLAND U

Just when you thought it was safe to knuckle down and start doing research on your Elizabethan Pirate Ships paper for Professor Wagner… big time distraction comes along in the form of Bloody Mary Mania on the Rockland Campus. Couldn’t even get to the Admin Building because of the crush on the sidewalk around the ambulance taking away the latest “victim” of this… well, this what?? Come to your senses, people. Stop with the mirror games. Sidebar: I noticed Melinda Gordon and Professor Payne sneaking in the building and then down the hall to… to what? Investigate? Are you guys playing Detective?

SHADOWS AND LIGHT

Decided to play Detective myself and see where this Gordon/Payne thread would follow. It led to the cemetery. Late one night I noticed that Ms. Gordon was sitting near a gravesite in the dark talking to herself. That’s certainly her prerogative. A few days ago I spotted her in the middle of the street lost in thought, which nearly led to her getting creamed by large vehicle. But I’m starting to suspect something’s up.

I’m thinking it’s also time for this disclosure: Last week when the Town Council rep gave Ms. Gordon an award for her heroic action (quickly moving some of Grandview’s youngsters out of the way of a falling statue), I took photos of the ceremony. And a few of the photos have a… a what? A guy who appeared in only two shots and then was gone – vanished into thin air. It’s not a reflection. Look for yourself… the picture is posted below…

NIGHT VISION

I talked to a few of my fellow students around campus and word has it that Ms. Gordon has helped out the girl who was traumatized by the Bloody Mary ritual. Nice. Perhaps another award from the Town Counsel could be arranged. In the meantime, I borrowed an infrared camera and night vision goggles and went over to the graveyard myself to check things out. Just in case. Will report back with findings. If there are any. I have low expectations.

SLADES OR THE SLAMMER?

Yeah, they’re called 4-penny nails and even though they cost mere pennies, they’re not freebies to be scooped up like so much popcorn at happy hour at Gino’s. Slades Hardware is not a big chain. They make their money on nuts and bolts. Literally. So if you’ve been doing a five-finger discount with the hardware at the hardware store, remember that if Slades goes out of business, you’ll have to spend more on gas driving to Hamilton, so there goes all of your savings from snitching nails. Just an observation.

TICKLE ME TIMELY

Bridget at Tickle Me Pink has put in a request for me to pass along: If you make an appointment for 9 a.m. every fourth Saturday of the month for a root touch up and a bang trim, please keep it. And show up on time. That’s all she’s asking. I’m not naming names. Bridget has threatened to let her shears do the talking if you don’t comply. You’ve been warned.

DOING A FLYBY

This isn’t really a complaint, er, constructive criticism. This is a call for suggestions. I’ve noticed the beloved statue in Grandview’s Village Square – you know the one –honoring war veterans from the Civil War all the way up to the Iraq War – has, ah, pigeon deposits on it. Thoughts? Obviously the pigeons have free will and exercise it with, ah, regularity. So the problem has to be tackled from another angle. As it were. Weekly cleanings? I made a phone call to City Sanitation and it doesn’t fall under their jurisdiction. Maybe we need a volunteer brigade. Let’s see a show of hands. War veterans should not have to suffer from poopy head.

HAIL TO THE HALL OF RECORDS

Yeah, I know, I hear the complaints – that I spend a lot of time, well, complaining on this site. Think of it as constructive criticism. And I hear I never compliment anyone. Well, then, consider this: The Hall of Records has decided to extend their hours: They will now be open until who knows when. (A paint scraper has been taken to the old closing hour of 4:30… so wheels are in motion.) Huzzah!!! Throw confetti! Toss streamers! The employees are still taking a full hour for lunch, however, and shutting the place down like a nuclear reactor site from 12 to 1 p.m.… but that’s a blog for another day.

GAS ATTACK

Hello beloved Gas Company employees. Vital and hard-working, indeed. How about signing up for a course in traffic control? I know we barely need it here in Grandview, but you guys had a full-blown NYC traffic snarl on your hands last week, didn’t you? Ever thought about working early in the morning or after everyone has arrived safely at work so that the rest of us aren’t treated to three hours of horn-honking? I also heard reports that one of your hard-hatted employees got into a hard-headed argument after backing into a civilian’s car with your Gas Company van. How about a course in parallel parking, too? We don’t want horns, fender benders – or worse. You’ve come a long way since the explosion of 1982, let’s keep your safety record in tact.

DAZED AND CONFUSED

Miss-Standing-in-the-Middle-of-the-Street-Last-Night-Staring-Into-Space. Long brown hair, dark coat. Nearly got run over by a hard-charging gangsta-sized SUV. What were you staring at? Let’s not have carnage and blood on the street due to deep moments of contemplation.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

You there with the black convertible with the tan interior and the “I heart poodles” on the back bumper. I’m glad you heart poodles. Really. They’re an underappreciated breed. They’re not for the geriatric set any more. Let’s dye their fur purple and take ’em club hopping. HOWEVER, blue disposal bags are available at the pet store at Willow and Main. In bulk. Use them. Especially when you’re walking your poodle at 11 p.m. on the Village Square and you think no one is watching. I heart you.

JUDGE THE PROF

THIS YEARS LOWEST RANKED PROFS – FROM WORST TO FIRST

RICK PAYNE – Studies of the Occult (#113)
Don’t be fooled by Professor Payne’s course material. His classes may seem interesting to the curious student searching for a fun elective; however, his syllabus is longer than Tolstoy’s greatest work. Okay, not really. But it sure seems that way. Payne requires three 20+ page term papers throughout the course of the semester and he doesn’t grade on a curve. Add that with the two books a week required reading and you’ve got yourself one stressful semester. Also, he thinks he’s a comedian. And he’s not. Trust me. I like to think of him as distracted and sometimes scattered. But I try not to think of him as much as possible.

DAN SINCLAIR – Highlights of Astronomy (#112)
Professor Sinclair says that when the moon feels the gravitational pull from the Earth’s magnetic blah, blah, blah. Sinclair’s three-hour lectures are excellent naptimes for the sleep deprived at Rockland. Sadly, there is a lack of adequate padding on the seats in the lecture hall where Sinclair teaches. As Rockland student Ben C. explains it, “I’d rather pull my toenails off with my teeth instead of sitting through another one of Sinclair’s monotone lectures. You can’t even sleep, cause the seats are so hard.” Best to be avoided.

VIVIAN LEE – Advanced Math Concepts (# 111)
You cannot understand her because of her accent. She might as well be teaching in Esperanto. No joke.

THE YATES REPORT

CURFEW LAWS – KEEPING OUR CITY STREETS SAFE FROM KIDS

I thought long and hard about writing on this topic. Now that I’m older than eighteen, I can do whatever I want after 10:30 at night. But seeing as how this sort of law has caused an uproar with the internet generation, I thought I might as well get into it in an attempt to swing a few more webpage hits with the young-uns. Are curfew laws necessary? They certainly alleviate a lot of after hours stress with Grandview law enforcers. But at the same time, wouldn’t we rather have our law enforcers cracking down on the actual criminals rather than wasting their time with underage kids that are staying out too late. By the way, my bike has been stolen for the third time this year. I’m tired of walking, police! I’m sure that there’s just one guy who’s been stock-piling my bikes in an attempt to get back at me for something I’ve done. That wasn’t me who stole your Sunday edition of The New York Times. Oh, wait. That was me. Whatever. Find the guy that is stealing my bikes. That’s all I really have to say about that.

MORE ROCKLAND U. GOSSIP

“OUR TOWN” TO HEADLINE ROCKLAND’S FALL THEATRE SERIES…AGAIN

It must be an odd numbered year, because Rockland University’s theatre department has announced that the big fall show this year will, once again, be Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town”. Get ready for some incredible pantomiming. This announcement leads many to believe that the Theatre Department’s tight budget is becoming even tighter, forcing department heads to continue reprising works that don’t involve complicated set designs. That’s okay though. I’ve always wanted to see how that play would be with different people cueing up the sounds effects from upstage. While we’re at it, can we get a little Guys & Dolls up in here? I think it’s been eighteen months since the last production. So, please, get this one back up on its feet. I just saw my younger brother’s high school production and I think we can do a marginally better version. Again.

ROCKLAND U. GOSSIP

STUDENT CENTER IN TALKS TO FILL LAGOON

Everybody put your activist pants on. It appears that the University Student Center has begun preparations on a landfill that will eventually become a parking lot. Dean of Students Harris has yet to comment on the proposed construction plans. I, for one, am in support of the new parking lot; however, I hate searching for parking and I’ve never had much of an appreciation for woodland creatures. Don’t get me wrong, I saw Bambi and loved it just like everyone else. I was seven, of course. I have nothing against animals and I don’t support violence against them. But come on, people. Or shall I say, come on, activist people. We’re talking about a man-made lagoon that was built in the 70s. This isn’t a parking lot on top of the East River. Any animals, I’m sorry, any fish that will be losing a home will eventually find a new one back in the ocean or on someone’s plate. This might sound crude, but that’s the world we live in, activist people. By the way, I do adore those activist pants. You’re right. Hemp can be used for a lot of different things. Also, I think you just dropped your bong back there.

DRISCOLL COUNTY POLITICS

Grandview Mayor Milio dodges questions on EVERYTHING

Today at the Grandview City Council Meeting Mayor Alex Milio manned the podium for almost a half an hour, taking questions on a variety of topics ranging from curfew laws to city liquor licenses. It would be appropriate to say that the Mayor has been working out his political muscles, managing to sidestep every question posed to him with longwinded responses. We all understand what it is to avoid the question at hand. My mom’s been bugging me about coming home for Thanksgiving this year, and I’ve continued to respond with new questions about dear old dad’s health. But let’s face it. I’m going to be slicing dry turkey this late November while my Aunt Jessie bugs me about my dating life. And don’t doubt for a moment that I won’t be searching my old high school yearbooks and address books, attempting to find an old friend who will be willing to save me from my family’s annual “Turkey Hangover Argument”. Mayor Milio has no choice. Eventually, he will have to produce some answers to everybody’s questions. It’s only a matter of time before the community will lose patience. I anticipate that the curfew laws will be upheld and local businesses will have to cut through loads of more red tape in order to procure a liquor license. If you ask me, he should be fighting the drinking laws. With nowhere to go on the school nights, the Driscoll County teens would supply quite the pretty penny for their neighborhood spirits provider. Think of all the tax dollars. But that’s only if you ask me.